On Monday I took myself off to see ‘The Consultant’. I’ve always had issues with my kidneys (the issue being that I only have one), when pregnant the first time in London they didn’t have time to care about such things, but here in Scotland it has been an 'issue' and one that has warranted an audience with ‘The Consultant’.
I was thankful for the appointment as I’ve had quite a bit of pain on the side of my remaining faithful kidney.
The whole thing was a bit of a let-down. Not much of a fuss was made - the advice drink lots of water and cranberry juice, if the pain moves to your back then you can start to worry. Right, like I’ve not heard ‘drink lots of water’ as a mantra since I was 11 years old.
Rather than stopping there with her helpful advice ‘The Consultant’ continued, “I can tell that it’s going to be a big one!”
During her examination of my painful spot, she remarked that quite a bit of baby had got in the way. "Oh yes, it’s going to be biggie! In fact, let’s book you in for an additional check-up to make sure it’s not an enorma-baby.” Her words, I kid you not!!
My next question – “How do you go about getting one of those elective C-sections then?”
Her answer – “Ho ho ho, you don’t want one of those.”
Me – “Oh yes I do!!”
Her - “Oh no you don’t. I’m smaller than you and I gave birth to two 9lb plus babies.”
Me – “Should I start smoking and drinking lots of espresso?”
Her – “No just drink lots of water.”
Everyone thinks it’s very amusing that I might be having a huge baby….I don’t find it funny at all. I’ve had so many fewer chippies than last time and I’ve been pretty good on the whole pudding front.
Until next time. I’m off to find a non-expensive and non-ugly maternity swimsuit.